NOTES ON THE ROAD BACK: BROKENNESS BEFORE BOLDNESS, A STUDY OF THE APOSTLE PAUL

SCRIPTURE. “My [only] sacrifice [acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart [broken with sorrow for sin, thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.” – PSALM 51:17, AMPC

KEY TERMS. Broken; Contrite, Despise

QUOTATIONS

HAVNER. “‘God uses broken things.’ It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. ‘It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever.’” ―  Vance Havner, Christian Revivalist, author of Moments of Decision, 1979 (and over 40 books); edited

EDWARDS. “David was caught in a very uncomfortable position; however, he seemed to grasp a deep understanding of the unfolding drama in which he had been caught. He seemed to understand something that few of even the wisest men of his day understood. Something that in our day, when men are wiser still, even fewer understand. And what was that?‘God did not have – but wanted very much to have – men and women who would live in pain. God wanted a broken vessel.’” ― Gene Edwards, A Tale of Three Kings, 1992; edited

1. FIRST THOUGHTS

Permit me to again begin with a personal illustration of the powerful importance of our topic today. You have recently heard me tell you of my saying to the Lord more than once: “Father, I do not understand why you chose me for this mission!” Usually followed by a brief accounting of all the reasons why I would not have chosen me!

Ever since giving my life to Christ in 1979, I have been in the wondrous and oftentimes agonizing process of ‘relearning everything’ that I had understood about life up to that point. I remember feeling like everything I had originally believed was all upside down and the Christian Canon was the singularly Absolute Truth that would gradually turn everything right side up.

As I would come to learn over the months and years that followed, there is a Grand Providential Design behind all this seeming disorder.

THE FOOLISHNESS OF GOD. “Just look at your own calling, believers; not many [of you were considered] wise according to human standards, not many powerful or influential, not many of high and noble birth. But God has selected [for His purpose] the foolish things of the world to shame the wise [revealing their ignorance], and God has selected [for His purpose] the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong [revealing their frailty].” – 1 CORINTHIANS 1:26-27, AMP

I am often heartened by the plaintive pleas of THE APOSTLE PAUL, who wrote 13 of the 27 Books of the New Testament (48%)! But before his epic Conversion on the Road to Damascus, who was also responsible for the capture, imprisonment and execution of many Early Church believers.

Following that Encounter, he would come to later say these words, despite having been known as the most pious of men in the Early Church Era.

“O unhappy and pitiable and wretched man that I am! Who will release and deliver me from [the shackles of] this body of death? O thank God! [He will!] through Jesus Christ (the Anointed One) our Lord! So then indeed I, of myself with the mind and heart, serve the Law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.” – ROMANS 7:24-25, AMPC

So as we continue to find the Answer to the Question of WHY God chooses such unlikely servants to achieve great things for His Kingdom, we turn indeed to Paul the Apostle as a ‘Case Study of One.’

1. THE WRETCHEDNESS OF PAUL

PAUL BEFORE HIS CONVERSION. This important background section will borrow heavily from an excellent biography by the EDITORS of Bible Hub in a piece describing Paul before that remarkable conversion on that Ancient Road (cf. Acts 9:1-7; ret. Apr. 10, 2023; edited).

Note. Although the debate continues about whether or not Paul was writing to the Romans as a mature Christian, an immature believer, or an unbeliever, there is strong consensus that he was writing as someone who had already known Christ and been commissioned to go to the Gentiles with the message of the Gospel. That is the position I take here.

“Saul, or Paul, as he would come to be renamed by Ananias at Straight Street following his conversion, was of strictly Jewish parentage, born a few years after Christ in the renowned Grecian commercial and literary city of Tarsus. As such, he would inherit the rights of a Roman citizen. He received an exceptional Jewish education at Jerusalem in the School of the great Pharisean Rabbi, Gamaliel, a grandson of Hillel the Elder, the leading sage of that period.

Paul was the only scholar among the apostles. He never displays his learning, considering it of no account as compared with the excellency of the knowledge of Christ, for whom he suffered the loss of all things. But he could not conceal it, and turned it to the best use after his conversion, and thus became the founder of Christian theology and philosophy. His training was thoroughly Jewish, rooted and grounded in the Scriptures of the Old Covenant, and those traditions of the elders which culminated in the Talmud. He knew the Hebrew and Greek Bible almost by heart.

‘Saul was a Pharisee of the strictest sect, not indeed of the hypocritical type, so witheringly rebuked by our Saviour, but of the honest, truth-loving and truth-seeking sort, like that of Nicodemus and Gamaliel. His very fanaticism in persecution arose from the intensity of his conviction and his zeal for the religion of his fathers [Selah]. He persecuted in ignorance, and that diminished, though it did not abolish, his guilt. He probably never saw or heard Jesus until he appeared to Him at Damascus. He may have been at Tarsus at the time of the Crucifixion and Resurrection. But with his Pharisaic education he regarded Jesus of Nazareth, like his teachers, as a False Messiah, a rebel, a blasphemer, who was justly condemned to death. And he acted according to his conviction.”

THEN WHY DID GOD CHOOSE PAUL? For this part of our review, I turn to a fascinating and thorough essay by LIM KOU, prolific Christian teacher and author whose bio is, unfortunately, paper thin. From his excellent book, Man of Faith (2010; edited), we glean insight into the heart of Paul and why God chose such an unlikely man.

“Who would have thought that a person like Saul [Paul’s Jewish name] could be converted so suddenly? There was no indication that he was near the Kingdom of God. Even more incredible was the fact that Saul’s conversion took place at the height of his violent persecution of Christians, for he was at that time ‘breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord’ (Acts 9:1). It may also seem inconceivable and incomprehensible that God would call such a terrible persecutor of the Church …

To understand why the Lord appeared to him on the Road to Damascus and why He appointed him to be His Apostle to the Gentiles, we need to learn to perceive what was going on in Saul’s heart. This is God’s approach: He ‘looks at the heart’ (1 Sam. 16:7). Saul thought that in persecuting the Church, he was being zealous for God. He testified to this in Acts 22:3-4, when he was making his defence to the people …

Looking beyond Paul’s outward conduct before his conversion, God saw the great potential and qualities within his heart. He knew that IF Saul were to come to recognise the Truth and experience the enabling of God, he would wholeheartedly commit his life to God and serve Him faithfully. As the Scriptures clearly show, he did not disappoint the Lord. The moment Saul came to recognise the Truth of the Gospel, that the Lord Jesus is indeed the Saviour of mankind, he committed himself without reservation to the Lord and to His service.”

In Sum: From all of this we see that of all Saul’s strengths, there is one word that captures his most important characteristic: “Zealousness!”

ZEAL FOR GOD. King David wrote this powerful poem while once more in the throes of persecution and danger. It is a prophetic witness to Paul’s central characteristic that spoke powerfully to the Truth that under no circumstances would he ever betray his God.

• PSALM 69:8-9 (AMPC). “I have become a stranger to my brethren, and an alien to my mother’s children. ‘For zeal for Your house has eaten me up,’ and the reproaches and insults of those who reproach and insult You have fallen upon me.”

• ZEAL (7068). ‘Qinah’ [קִנְאָה]: “The ardor of jealousy or envy, as with husband and wife; therefore, refers to zealousness for a close relation; involves intense passion, emotion or fervor that exceeds one’s anger or wrath; it most often relates to the zeal necessary to accomplish a task or mission; an eagerness of desire to accomplish or obtain some object, and it may be manifested either in favor of any person or thing.” DK: It is also one of God’s names: ‘El Qinah’ – The God who is jealous over us, Who will not share us with another!

COMMENTARY. “‘For the zeal of thine house hath eaten me up ‘ – [David speaks] ‘My zeal – my ardor – in the Cause of Religion (that is, of pure worship) has been so great as to consume me. It has been like a devouring fire within me.’ Zeal is represented under ‘the idea of heat’ – as it is in the Greek language; and the characteristics of heat or fire are here applied to it.” – ALBERT BARNES, Notes on the Old and New Testament, 1884; edited

It becomes powerfully apparent that in order to carry out the Purposes of God in our lives, there must be nothing less than ‘The Fire of God in us,’ perhaps best described by a renown Jewish Prophet:

“If I say, I will not make mention of [the Lord] or speak any more in His name, in my mind and heart it is as if there were a burning fire shut up in my bones. And I am weary of enduring and holding it in; I cannot [contain it any longer].” – JEREMIAH 20:9, AMPC

1. THE TEACHING

SCRIPTURE. “My [only] sacrifice [acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; A broken and contrite heart [broken with sorrow for sin, thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.” – PSALM 51:17, AMPC

It is important to understand, then, that God’s Fire is both the means to Brokenness, and subsequently the vital fuelthat animates our mission. The classic exchange between a young son and his father in CORMAC MCCARTHY’S dystopian masterpiece, The Road (2006), illustrates the point in stark terms, as they negotiate the brutal ecology of a world gone primal.

          “Keep a little fire burning; no matter how small, how hidden.”

As Christians of course, we quickly recall its Origin: “‘For the Lord your God is a consuming fire;’ He is a jealous (impassioned) God [demanding what is rightfully and uniquely His].” – DEUTERONOMY 4:24, AMP

As we obey His Commands and remain loyal to Him, therefore, He rewards us with His Fire needed to accomplish the mission. Thus His equally fiery hatred of Lukewarmness, that He judges as nothing less than vomitous.

JOSEPH BENSON COMMENTS. “‘A consuming fire’ — A just and terrible God, Who, notwithstanding his special relation to you, will severely punish you, if you provoke him. ‘A jealous God’ — Who, being espoused to you, will be highly incensed against you if you follow after other lovers, or commit whoredom (so to speak) with idols, and will bear no rival or partner.” – Notes on the Holy Bible, 5 vols., 1811-1818; edited

Trying to make a point here about reality of the God who we serve. I trust we have your attention.

KEY TERMS. As always, we return to the Central Ideas that drive this important Doctrine from the 51^st PSALM.

• BROKEN. ‘Shabar’ [שָׁבַר]: “Based on a primitive root meaning, ‘to burst;’

to break into [many] pieces; to shatter [or be shatter]; crush, destroy, hurt (to bring to a birth); refers to the Divine Rage displayed at Sinai with the shattering of the Ten Tablets of the Law due to the people’s rank idolatry; also used by God against stubborn pride [to break it]; to bring to a moment of birth [of a new freedom to obey the Lord].”

• CONTRITE. ‘Dakah’ [דָּכָה]: “A primitive root word originally meaning, ‘to collapse’ (either physically or mentally); to crush; to crouch; sink down; [Latin, to break or bruise; to rub or wear]; literally, worn or bruised, hence, broken-hearted for sin; deeply affected with grief and sorrow for having offended God; humble; penitent; as a contrite sinner; to be filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement; penitent.”

• NOT DESPISE. ‘Bazah’ [בָּזָה]: “To disesteem; despise, disdain, contemn [or hold in utter contempt]; scorn; revile; to consider worthless; as with Antiochus Epiphanes, whom the Lord considered an abomination; to have the lowest opinion of; e.g., ‘Fools despise wisdom and instruction’ (Proverbs 1:7); to feel a deep repugnance toward [or from forming an alliance with].”

“‘The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit’ – That is humbled under a sense of sin; has True Repentance for it; is smitten, wounded, and broken with it, by the Word of God in the hand of the Spirit, which is a hammer to break the rock in pieces; and that not merely in a legal, but in an evangelical way; grieving for sin as committed against a God of love; broken and melted down under a sense of it, in a view of ‘pardoning grace;’ and mourning for it, while beholding a pierced and wounded Saviour: the sacrifices of such a broken heart and contrite spirit are the sacrifices God desires, approves, accepts of, and delights in.

‘A broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise’ –  But will regard, and receive with pleasure; see Psalm 102:17; the Lord binds up and heals such broken hearts and spirits, Psalm 147:3; He is nigh to such persons, looks upon them, has respect unto them, ‘And comes and dwells among them’[Selah],Psalm 34:18.” – JOHN GILL, An Exposition of the Old and New Testament, 9 vols., 1746-1763; edited

DK. All of this reminds me of a special moment I had with the Lord on Saturday April 8, on what the traditional Church refers to as: “Holy Saturday,” the day before the Easter celebration of Christ’s Resurrection. I was feeling a sense of being overwhelmed by several waves of challenge coming to me all at the same time. As I bowed my head before the Lord, I said a simple, quiet and somewhat desperate prayer:

“God, I need You.”

What followed was one of the sweetest senses of the Presence of the Holy Spirit I can ever remember. Without any words being exchanged, I instantly felt comforted and calmed, yet empowered somehow as my confidence returned. A few quiet tears formed as I whispered to God how grateful I was for His being there for me. Then I went on to deliver what I thought was a video presentation that felt like “He was flying the plane.”

THE POINT. There is a ‘Secret Theological Sauce’ (though never meant to be “secret”), if you will, that leads to being used greatly by the Lord. We will now move to thoroughly define that Divine Concoction in the next section, so stay with me.

1. THE CHOSEN

To state it right up front: Why does God seem to choose some for a significant work, but seems to overlook others? Is God biased? Is God unfair? To use the common Biblical phrase, Is God a respecter of persons after all? You already know the answer to those largely rhetorical questions, but I state them to steer home some very sharp points in this section of the essay.

GOD’S HEART. “But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, ‘God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’Submit therefore to God. But resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God and He will come close to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable, and mourn, and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning, and your joy into gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.” – JAMES 4:6-10, NASB

Now there’s a whole lot of robust theology in there. beloved, what British theologian HARRY BLAMIRES again would lovingly call: “Rich red meat!” (The Christian Mind, 1963). Since it would take us several pages to break it down word by word, I’m running to one excellent commentary by JOSEPH BENSON that does yeoman’s work to condense it into a few high-powered paragraphs.

COMMENTARY. “‘But he — God, giveth more grace’ — To all those who, while they shun those tempers, sincerely and earnestly pray for it. ‘Wherefore he saith, God, resisteth the proud’— The Unhumbled; those that think highly of themselves, and put confidence in their own wisdom, power, or holiness, and who seek the praise of men rather than the praise of God; against these ‘God sets Himself in battle array,’ as it is expressed, Proverbs 3:24. He rejects them, and will not allow them access to, or communion with Himself. He thwarts their undertakings, and renders their schemes abortive. 

‘But giveth grace unto the humble’ — Unto those that are humbled under a sense of their ignorance and weakness, their guilt and depravity, and therefore have no confidence in anything they are or have. ‘Submit yourselves’— Or ‘be subject,’ as υποταγητε signifies, ‘Therefore to God’ — Pursue your lusts no longer, but yield an humble obedience to God in all things. ‘Resist’ — With faith and steadfastness; ‘the Devil’— The father of pride and envy; ‘and he will flee from you’— And your progress in Religion will become greater, and your victory over your spiritual enemies more easy and evident day by day. 

‘Draw nigh to God’ — In faith and prayer; ‘and He will draw nigh unto you’— By His grace and blessing; which that nothing may hinder, ‘cleanse your hands’ — From doing evil; ‘and purify your hearts’— From all spiritual idolatry, from all vile affections and corrupt inclinations, from the love of the world in all its branches; ‘be no more double-minded’ — Vainly endeavouring to serve both God and mammon. ‘Be afflicted’ — On account of your past sins, especially your ingratitude to God, your abuse of His blessings, and unfaithfulness to His grace; ‘and mourn and weep’ — For the miseries to which you have exposed yourselves. ‘Let your laughter be turned into mourning’ — Because of the heavy judgments that hang over you.” – Notes on the Holy Bible, 5 vols., 1811-1818; edited

DK’S BOTTOM LINE. So here it is as straightforwardly as I can possibly put it after struggling with this stuff for over four decades. Just who is it that God will always choose to serve Him in some great (if completely unrecognized) mission for His Kingdom every time?

‘The one who is willing to die for Him.’

Spiritually, reputationally, and yes, physically if necessary. JOHN THE APOSTLE says it best in this regard: “Anyone who loves his life loses it, but anyone who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. [Whoever has no love for, no concern for, no regard for his life here on earth, but despises it, preserves his life forever and ever].” – JOHN 12:25, AMP

So that’s it, beloved! The “secret theological sauce,”the Biblical magic potion toward greatness for Christ, whether seen before men or hidden in His sacred chamber.

TWO REQUIREMENTS. Boiling all this down to the two essential requirements for serving God in a significant way, therefore, includes: (1) A willingness to “die daily”for Christ (1 Cor. 15:51), relinquishing all worldly matters to His Sovereign Purpose for oneself. (2) Likewise, a willingness to “go for Him,” no matter the cost, no matter the danger (Isa. 6:8).

Jesus Summarizes. “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross [expressing a willingness to endure whatever may come] and follow Me [believing in Me, conforming to My example in living and, if need be, suffering or perhaps dying because of faith in Me] is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds his life [in this world] will [eventually] lose it [through death], and whoever loses his life [in this world] for My sake will find it [that is, life with Me for all eternity].” – MATTHEW 10:37-39, AMP

Pretty clear. Pretty severe. Pretty definitive of why The Remnant is so very small. As He put it to the disciples long ago, meant also for us: “For many are called, but few are chosen.” – MATTHEW 22:14, NKJV

Indeed, my friends, indeed.

• LAST THOUGHTS

“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.’” – ISAIAH 55:8-9, AMP

The Kingdom of God is very nearly the absolute opposite of the Kingdom of Man. We have to start there in order to draw proper conclusions about how to be used most effectively by our King before The Race is fully run.

PAUL’S EPIC ROAD. I don’t believe any serious student of Biblical Literature would dare deny Two Truths about Paul: First, he was clearly the most influential of all the apostles in the Early Church; Second, he suffered more than all the rest during his 30 years of ministry.

• He was kidnapped (Acts 21:27).
• He was beaten (Acts 21:30-31; 23:3).
• He was arrested many times (Acts 21:33; 22:24, 31; 23:35; 28:16).
• He was threatened (Acts 22:22; 27:42).
• He was accused in many lawsuits (Acts 21:34; 22:30; 24:1-2; 25:2, 7; 28:4).
• He was interrogated (Acts 25:24-27).
• He was ridiculed (Acts 26:24).
• He was ignored (Acts 27:11).
• He was shipwrecked (Acts 27:41).
• And bitten by a viper (Acts 28:3).

In all honesty, beloved, how many of us – including this old man – would be willing to experience what Paul did for Christ and Canon? Think about it most seriously, and you’ll see how far we all are from the Early Church’s expectations for true

SPIRITUAL ALGORITHM. ‘Great Service to the Kingdom of God is always preceded by an equally great series of unique afflictions, the Purpose of which is Brokenness unto courage under fire, endurance, and unbroken obedience.’

Charles Spurgeon, C.S. Lewis and others have stated this Central Principle in much more eloquent terms, but the idea remains the same: One cannot fully serve Christ unless and until one endures the His Fiery Preparation for Witness, that often lasts for an entire lifetime. As with, of course, our beloved Paul.

Executive Vice President for Crossway Publishing, JUSTIN TAYLOR, has penned a lovely and moving Overview of Paul’s astonishing life in a piece entitled, “Brave Words with a Broken Heart” (Desiring God, Aug. 7, 2020).

In what follows, I will bullet point his major ideas from his long and thoughtful essay on the EXAMPLE OF PAUL to us all.

• WEIGHTS AND SEASONS. “On this approach, Christians could paraphrase chapter three of Ecclesiastes, ‘For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be brokenhearted, and a time to be bold.’ Yes, God calls us to be both. But not necessarily at the same time.”

• CHRISTIAN ALTERNATIVE. “A better way to put the two together is to see the ‘Call to Brokenhearted Boldness’ as a desirable steady-state description of the Christian life … [In so doing], We follow the whole Christ, full of grace and full of truth (John 1:14).”

• FAMILIAR BACKBONE. “We readily associate Paul with ‘No-fear boldness’ … This is the muscular Christianity of the Apostle — shipwrecked, beaten, stoned, imprisoned, mocked, and absolutely undeterred. Nothing could stop him from proclaiming the Good News of Jesus Christ.”

• LESS FAMILIAR TEARS. “Less noticed, however, is the spirit of love Paul intended to permeate every act of Gospel courage and correction. For example, immediately after writing, ‘Stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong,’ he adds, ‘Let all that you do be done in love’ (1 Corinthians 16:13-14). JOHN STOTT wrote, ‘The truth is that there are such things as Christian tears, and too few of us ever weep them.’”

• EVEN IN HARSH HONESTY. “Even Paul’s harshest language — used against false teachers when the nature of the Gospel was at stake — is enveloped by this theme. Right before he warns against the evil teachers of Philippians 3:2 as ‘dogs,’ he says that the Church should ‘Rejoice in the Lord’ (Philippians 3;1) … He calls upon them to imitate him, noting that ‘For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ’ (Philippians 3:18) … ‘Speaking hard words was not at the heart of who he was,’ even if he had to do it at times.”

• FEARLESSNESS WITH GENTLENESS. “When Paul wrote his Pastoral Epistles, he explained that gentleness was a requirement to be an elder (1 Timothy 3:3) … Even when a pastor is required to correct false teaching with a sharp rebuke (Titus 1:13), it should be done from ‘a heart of gentleness’ and with a longing for God to grant the gift of repentance (2 Timothy 2:25). This is not a man who delighted in the cleverness of his sarcasm, satire, and mockery. When he had to use harsh words, they were meant to keep at bay the ravaging wolves, not to beat up on the wandering sheep.”

• RARE QUALITIES OF A SAINT. “No one doubts that Paul was bold. But we often forget that he was also meek. JONATHAN EDWARDS wrote that ‘Religious sorrow, mourning, and brokenness of heart are … frequently spoken of as a great part of True Religion. These things are often mentioned as distinguishing qualities of the true saints, and a great part of their character.’ This certainly describes what we see in the letters of Paul. And we would do well to imitate his brokenhearted boldness today.”

CODA. I close on a very personal note. While never claiming to live up to the towering example of Paul the Apostle, since Day One for reasons I still don’t fully understand, I marked him in my young Christian heart as The Model to follow.

My reasoning was interesting: “Lord, I cannot possibly live up to Your Standard because you’re, well, Perfect! I think for me at least, Paul is a better, more realistic Role Model for me.”

To this, my FINAL CONCLUSION about this important man, and his even more important Legacy left to the Last Days Church: ‘Bold Truth from a Broken Heart.’

Ever your servant, DK

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